Poet: Işıl Ayça Akkuş

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You know I love you beyond your beauty
While they wait for a profit
For a slice of your mystery
excited for quick runs,
a momentary rush

You know that I find a piece of myself
In your wildness and storms
Each time we drift away
I dance with a ghost

It is part of me now
Separation is no fearsome
It is inked in my coeur
Love is a relentless prison

I do not need to see your face
look at your eyes ocean glaze
whenever I attempt to sleep
you are here, right there

I try to envision other faces
Someone that I could love
even after our silent fights
I find myself in your imaginary arms

Is it too hard to break
red string pulling me ahead
is it because we had met
million years ago
quite hard to forget

the venom grows bigger
spread is inevitable
your absence is a habit
it becomes a part of me

I practice ignorance
leaving and non-chalance
inspired by your cruel presence
yet I find myself crying
sobbing on an arbitrary night
this is the least of my worries
this should be the last problem
my life is crumbling
nevertheless, I only grieve for o’mine

I get jealous of cups
start a rebellion
saying, those hands,
I could not even touch
how dare another soul
can have it all

how can you spend
a love so gentle free
how can you sacrifice it
postpone, chew, throw
then claim you were here
all time the same feelings
no roof upon us
only stars under
as you fall in deepest sleeps
I rent a fiction space
we walk freely
you would not be scared
if you knew how much you hurt
yet still how this love was great
you would not be scared
if you knew I could leave any time
I never felt belong to anywhere
a stranger, or this little town
you would not be scared
if you knew I am scared too
all this bravery is a disguise

perhaps it is my sweet ignorance
it shall not be fear
lack of love tying your feet
none other will be the same
even if you would travel the world
no soul consumed as mine
devoted to a love hopeless time
perpetual enstrangenment
to closest soul o'mine

it is beyond me,
it is above you,
I don’t know when it started,
when it will end
it just drags me
as I slip away

nobody understands
two farewells, one real
the other one,
oh darling, I did not even shed a tear
because my soul
kept escaping to you

how matter I tamed
it fade into 
playing with your hair
resting on your shoulder
a life we cannot escape
this rebel albatross
how can you tell a story
of leaving something
you never had
losing so many times
it become a habit 
what a miserable bird

did I ever hear even once
did I feel your love
did I find you here
right next to me
did you ever tell anything
or told your story

is this sorrow yours
heavy on my chest
I feel the weight of it
I am happy on records
yet my sorrow is enough
all broken cups to fill

a tug of war
my power on the side
only I am consumed, falling
I let go of the rope
cause it hurts too much
to see your affairs
or traces of them all around
your absence cuts
all the things
you spared from me,
distributing all freely
while I did not ask
not even a little bit,
not at all
your mocking smile
thinking it is an entitlement
not a bliss, this love

you would not talk to me
making guessing an art
as if I am infinite
my energy is not finite
you are so fearful of rejection
as if you had not push me 
yet I hold your hands 
for million times
in these cold bladen nights
hope your pride 
keep you warm

bad news!
you cannot disappoint
cause diminished timeline
all hope of it all
all steps you had never take
all steps you run behind
as if I chased it ever
not even a word said

my love is not disturbing shallow, or loud only tender.
I speak only when preacher calls, speak now or silence forever, alas’ I am under your pressure
I cannot come near
cause I am afraid
my soul is leaking
running, hugging you
even when you mess it up
I imagine your childhood
loving it,
a compassion you never had
at least for me, I doubt it
cause I am afraid
I would give you the dagger
all over again
just to look at your eyes
for one time fearless
they say my grand uncle
died from lovesickness
a black infatuation impossible and a cruel lover like you
it seems to be fate o’mine
present is only
past disguising repetition

This city suffocates me
Each corner haunted by a face
Your name and fellows
All still bigger than mine

This city is post-mortem
How many deaths countless
Metamorphosis
The frame became breathless

This city is a show of true man
Sounds of clapping
While you suffer as you could
Good morning, good night, good day

This city is beautiful
Not a home yet
O’ people of mine
Walking beside
Soups cooked, sorrow abide
Still I pray
To find other places
I could breathe and live
To cure my illness
Though it inked in my papers
just like my soul restless

cause your silence and betrayal
eats me alive
you hunt my sleep, day and night
your pictures tease me
as you always do
no truth, real presence
just games nagging my mind
I wish I could choose my muse
though I am afraid
against all the odds
it would be you 
in every other verse
they would dig the grave
find your traces
an old-torn picture
on my ancient necklace